Remembering Elaine

When I first met Elaine she was “great with child.” I thought she’d never last as a volunteer. But she and Patrick served faithfully as volunteers in the Tape/CD Ministry of Abundant Life Christian Fellowship. They took time off briefly during Justin’s birth and then returned to serving, sometimes with Justin in tow. It was no surprise when Elaine got pregnant again that she and Patrick continued serving. If nothing else, that is what I’ll remember most. Elaine was a servant of the Lord!

She served while pregnant. She served while parenting. She served after the birth of her second child, Meredith. What a lovely name. SMILE! Elaine even served until her illness forced her to make necessary changes. Her love and commitment to Christ left an indelible imprint upon those with whom she came into contact.

Of a truth, Elaine’s relationship with the Lord was the foundation of her life. She was faithful to God—for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, unto death. Now she is in the Presence of the One she loved and faithfully served…and has left all who knew her a beautiful example to follow.

Until we meet again,

Meredith Sheppard

Posting from Dolly

I first met Elaine when her son Justin and our daughter Sophia were entering the same 3 year old preschool class. Elaine was always very cheerful and it was clear that she loved Justin and that she loved being a mom. When we went to her house for a play date, I observed that she knew what Justin liked and she provided many fun and educational toys for him. She had a wonderful smile and friendly personality.

She was delighted with Meredith's birth. I was always impressed with how much tender care she expressed with both of her children.

Even after she was diagnosed with cancer, I was struck with how brave she was and how she took good care of her children.

The last time I saw Elaine, she had finished her cancer treatment and it looked like it was in remission. We lost touch as our children were in different schools and made different friends.

I was saddened to hear of her passing and of the incomparable loss her husband and her children have experienced. I pray that God would continue to comfort her family and may her children know how much their mother loved and cherished them.

Sincerely,

Dolly Lee

Remembering Elaine

I first met Elaine in our New moms' group more than six years ago.

I keep picturing her smile and her strength. I am remembering the different times we were together -- the regular play groups -- especially the ones at her house or mine and the moms' nights out.  The special events that she helped make even more special -- including the Christmas cookie/tea party she hosted and the baby shower she hosted for me and another fellow mom. The time she came to my daughter's  birthday party at Tilden Park in Berkeley.  I remember how much it meant to me that she, Patrick, Justin and Meredith came. They made a day of it. It was a beautiful Spring day and at the end of the party some kids including Justin played softball out on an open field of grass. Then the Wai's headed off to the steam train and a favorite restaurant in Berkeley. I was impressed that they were planning such a full day -- Meredith was only  two to three months old. Elaine knew how to jump into life, to be an active participant, to find joy -- and give joy to her children and others.

Elaine and I were also in Parent Observation together when Justin and my daughter Annabelle were two years old. She and I were aides. She was very involved and so full of energy! I am so glad that we had that time together as well.

She was so vibrant, so strong. So full of love and kindness and gratitude. This is how I remember her most. The incredible strength, kindness and determination. And above all, her endless love for her children.

I am grateful and honored to have known her.

Miriam Hartmann

Light of Hope

Dear Justin and Meredith,   This entry will be a bit long, but there are things you should know.  Over the course of time, you will probably read these stories about your mom online or perhaps in the book it will go into dozens if not hundreds of times.  You may read this as a youth, adolescent, teen, young adult, adult, mid-aged adult and senior.   Some day, you may read this to your own children or children's children.  You will undoubtedly read it and experience a range of emotions ranging from sadness, anger, bitterness, confusion, doubt to hope, laughter, amazement, joy, peace, and most of all LOVE.  My prayer, as I know is the prayer of your mom, is that you navigate through these many emotions and feelings and linger in the love she shared for so many family, friends, and her Lord Jesus.   I knew your mom and dad for over a dozen years although I can't claim to have known her well.  We went to two churches together, Vineyard Christian Fellowship of the Peninsula and Abundant Life Christian Fellowship.  My wife, Laura, knew her even longer and spent much more time with her though a mom's group they attended together.  But, there are some memories I wanted to share with you about your mom that happened during her last 6 months.   v      Your mom cared a lot about people, and people cared about her.  One day this past Fall I had the opportunity to join your dad and mom as they took her to UCSF for her cancer treatment.  Your mom was very sick and weak, lying in bed.  Yet when I came in to her bedroom where she was resting for the trip to the hospital she was so concerned about me, asking how things were going for our family, if I was hungry or wanted to sit.  Such a typical example of your mom, so giving all the time even when she was in need.  Even when we were at UCSF and she was getting her infusion treatment, she was concerned that I was standing so I finally had to find a seat.  J  There's a reason she was surrounded and supported by so many people during her battle with cancer.  She was loved by many.    v      Your dad fought so hard for her life.  HARD.  Rallied a team of friends, families, medical professionals.  Got friends to pray, investigate various clinical trial, medicines, foods, mobilized volunteers.  He missed you dearly as you spent much of your time with family or friends but know that he was giving just about everything he had for your mom.  He refused to give up, believing in faith and the power of healing despite the diminishing prospects.  He refused the concept of hospice because for him that would be giving up.  He never gave up on your mom.   v      Your dad cared so deeply about your mom.  I remember going to the hospital one night very late, in the last weeks of her life.  Your dad was there seemingly 24 hours a day, 7 days a week taking breaks only when trusted friends or family were there.  He spent many nights on a cot next to your mom's hospital bed.  It was indeed draining and sometime he broke into tears.  He worked very closely and carefully with the doctors and nurses making sure the right medicines were administered at the right time, monitoring her feeding or oxygen levels, making sure she was positioned right.  I remember one night your dad putting eye drops in your mom's eyes periodically to keep her eyes from drying as she wasn't able to close her eyes that well at the time.   That is the level of care he invested in your mom.   One Sunday morning I was at church, Abundant Life Christian Fellowship, when another friend of your parents, Joe Tan, told me that your mom passed away a few hours earlier.  I had two immediate reactions, sadness and relief in knowing she wasn't in pain any longer.  Later that afternoon, I returned to the church as we rehearsed our Easter musical, Light of Hope.  Your parents clung to the true light of hope, Jesus.  I thought of your mom often whenever we sang the finale song, No More Night.  I could easily see her singing these words as she entered Heaven as they were so appropriate.                    No More Night   Words & music by Walt Harrah The timeless theme, Earth and Heaven will pass away. It's not a dream, God will make all things new that day. Gone is the curse from which I stumbled and fell. Evil is banished to eternal hell. No more night. No more pain. No more tears. Never crying again. And praises to the great "I AM." We will live in the light of the risen Lamb. See all around, now the nations bow down to sing. The only sound is the praises to Christ, our King. Slowly the names from the book are read. I know the King, so there's no need to dread. No more night. No more pain. No more tears. Never crying again. And praises to the great "I AM." We will live in the light of the risen Lamb. See over there, there's a mansion, oh, that's prepared just for me, Where I will live with my savior eternally. No more night. No more pain. No more tears. Never crying again. And praises to the great "I AM." We will live in the light of the risen Lamb. All praises to the great "I AM." We're gonna live in the light of the risen Lamb.     May God bless and keep you,   Craig and Laura Chan

Beautiful Elaine

I was blessed that God allowed my path to cross with Elaine's at the Trinity Church's Mom's group. She was the leader of our small group for a time. She was really good at that! Great at encouraging and empathizing. She was there for each of us. She was always totally authentic. I remember Elaine's beautiful long hair. I remember her pretty raspy voice. At church, we recently taught the kids about the importance of inner beauty. Elaine was beautiful on the inside and out.

Elaine was great at connecting with people. I remember when she organized a gals night out with the women of our Trinity Mom's small group. We went to Charro's on Dana street off downtown Mt. View. We chatted the night away. She was a great conversationalist, and a wonderful listener. When we talked, I felt I was important to her. And I'll bet everyone with whom she had a heart to heart felt the exact same way.

Elaine was great at making you feel appreciated. Justin attended Highway's Vacation Bible School in 2008. I was a Station Leader at VBS, and had the pleasure of seeing Justin come through my station each day. Completely out of the blue, one day at VBS, Elaine brought me flowers! It was like the warmest hug ever. And I needed it. Who does stuff like that? Elaine, that's who.

Elaine and Patrick were a beautiful couple! Trinity would host opportunities for parents to drop off kids so the parents could connect on a date night. I remember seeing Elaine and Patrick for pick up (or was it drop off?) on one of those nights....they looked like movie stars.

Elaine loved the Lord. I was so encouraged by her tremendous Faith. In good times and bad. While Elaine didn't want to be defined by her illness, she wanted her experience to be a testimony. And it was, and continues to be.

Elaine was compassionate. A role model. Sweet and thoughtful. Desired the best for her family. I miss her so much, and am blessed beyond words to have had the honor of knowing her, and calling her "friend."

Julie Pederson

Anneke's sharing from the Memorial

Meredith & Justin-

The photos above show: your parents during the summer of 1995; Justin meeting my son Lukas in July 2003; and me & my family in 2009. I shared a wonderful and long history with your mom and here is what I shared on Saturday with everyone.

I (Anneke Hagen) met Elaine in February 1993. At that time I was working at Menlo Park Presbyterian Church as an intern in Junior High Ministry and had just, at the encouragement of others back in Seattle, begun attending a Bible Study Fellowship class in Los Altos. It was going out of my comfort zone to attend a meeting where I did not know anyone. However, I was placed in a small group with Elaine and I remember being drawn to her as a friend immediately. I love how God works to bring people together because just a few months later I had to switch to a different Bible Study due to my schedule and so the season for meeting Elaine was a limited window of opportunity that God used. I also want to note that 1993 was the first of my 12 years in Bible Study Fellowship and each year I went I thought, if I just meet one friend in the way I met Elaine then that will be my blessing. (Rigorous Bible study with the added bonus of lifelong friends!)

Elaine was working at Stanford University at the time and she attended a different church. To me her friendship was a breath of fresh air since I had moved to the Bay Area to work at a church and the only people I knew worked and/or attended there too. Elaine and I both had to go out of our way to make time and space for our friendship since our paths didn't cross naturally. I appreciated her initiative in calling me to go for walks or to share quality conversation over a cup of coffee. I was drawn to Elaine's love for God and her desire to live out her faith. Additionally, both of us shared a passion for using our creative talents. Who can forget Elaine's gorgeous handwriting and her immaculate scrap-books?! And being in our early-mid 20's we of course talked about our desire to be married someday. Endless discussions ensued.

Although I moved away from the Bay Area to attend graduate school, Elaine and I kept in touch. She was a faithful friend, no matter the distance. I remember coming back for a visit and being introduced to Patrick for the first time (see photo above). I could tell Elaine had found someone as passionate as she was for the cause of Christ and together they shared a true joy in living life to the full. It was easy to see that she and Patrick were soul mates, not only did they love Christ together but they also shared a love for travel & adventure and through it all…great food.

Soon I was married too and again living in the Bay Area. For 4 short years my life and Elaine's overlapped again and we shared meals, this time as a four-some. Usually Patrick led the way in a restaurant choice and fellowship was shared and enjoyed. Elaine and I also found time for just the two of us to catch up. Again, as from the beginning of our friendship neither our professional nor our church lives intersected but the desire to pursue this friendship was always there.

I've lived in Seattle now for 9 years and Elaine and I have been lucky if we had one visit per year. Our contact became less frequent but definitely not less meaningful. We both had our first children the same year and have shared parenting stories and strategies together, perhaps over email or more likely during one of our annual catch-up sessions.

In recent years Elaine shared her medical journey with me. This included her many questions, the way she felt like a science experiment, her future, and her faith-journey in the middle of it all. On some level we shared medical anxieties and the frustrations about our doctors who should know how to "fix" problems. While Elaine's journey was cancer, mine was infertility. Elaine was able to hear my pain and challenges while sharing her own with me. She never sugar-coated anything and never just blankly applied the "God has a plan" response either, which I appreciated. Elaine was true to herself in the middle of it, honest with her emotions and the reality of what had happened, but refusing to be defined by it. What a great model and inspiration for me.

Last April I had a chance to visit with Elaine. We enjoyed a walk in her neighborhood, grabbed a cup of Starbucks and caught up on where God had brought each of us. Since we both liked to plan, we both had been dealing for a few years with serious changes to our expectations of what the future would look like. Yet Elaine was in a great space and able to reflect meaningfully on the cancer, the treatment and her change in perspective as a result. I was encouraged by her words. I too was in a better space than during the previous years as my husband and I had begun to pursue adoption. Elaine and I spoke of the changes, the letting go of our plans, and the positive hope for the future we each held.

If at that moment someone had told me it would be my last visit with Elaine I would have called them a liar and just made a plan to see her in 2009. Today's visit wasn't what I had in mind.

There are many people that have crossed my path as part of a larger group, but I will always remember Elaine as an individual friend, a friend who was always worth going out of the way for and who would do the same for me. It's the very reason our friendship took shape and survived.

The words that characterize Elaine are many, but my favorite traits are that she was:

Loving, strong, creative, loyal, dedicated, Christ-lover, truth seeker, passionate, driven, concerned, prayerful and joy-filled.

And that is how I will remember my friend Elaine.

-Anneke Hagen

I thank God for Elaine

I met Elaine in 2005. Our sons were in the same preschool class and were both having trouble adjusting to preschool. We quickly set up a play date. It was fun to get to know Elaine. I loved her energy, her thoughtful and intentional approach to parenting, her creativity and her willingness to share her struggles as a mom.

Only a few months later Elaine joined a moms group at our church. One month later, she learned that she had breast cancer. Meredith was only four months old. And while she had only been in the group a short time – God put it on our hearts to care for Elaine at that time and over the next three years. No one told us we’d be walking down such a painful road, but I think each of us has felt privileged to do so… a testimony to both God’s love for Elaine and our love for Elaine. We absolutely treasured her!

There were many things I appreciated about Elaine, I’ll just share a few

Elaine was genuine… there was no pretense about her… you knew what she was thinking. We shared struggles as moms together, we talked and prayed as she faced the fear of not being able to raise her children, and we candidly talked about ministry.

Elaine had high standards and did everything wholeheartedly. Elaine became a table leader and a teaching leader for our moms group at Trinity Church and she put her whole heart into that. She arranged special events for the group. She got them emailing prayer requests throughout the week. She stayed up until 2:00 a.m. creating gifts for the women. She spent hours and hours preparing to teach. She was a woman of excellence. And in so doing, she made me a better leader. There’s a Bible verse that says, as iron sharpens irons so one sharpens another. Elaine did that for me.

Elaine was a committed friend. We had disagreements about how to do ministry… some of them were hard to work through, but she would call and email and work it out until the issue was resolved. As it turned out, our sons had a hard time together. Our play dates weren’t peaceful, but somehow we creatively found ways to work it out and get together.

Elaine was an encourager and fought for women’s hearts. She would send cards and flowers just to encourage me. Just prior to her final battle with cancer I was struggling in ministry. She sent me some very encouraging emails that kept me moving forward.

Elaine loved the Lord and served Him faithfully. The last time Elaine spoke at our moms group she taught on a passage in 2 Corinthians 5. That passage talks about how while we are living on earth we groan and are burdened…many of us walked side by side with Elaine over those last five months. She groaned in pain and was burdened emotionally by fears of the future for her family. But that passage goes on to say that it is better to be at home with Lord. I praise God that she is at home with the Lord.

Elaine’s last email to me said this… She sent it after she discovered the cancer had spread to her nervous system.

Thank you Karen-

Note that God has been meeting daily needs in very amazing, only God-can do ways. We are blessed for such a loving family and know that this is indeed one of His Miracles - how He brings people together during tough times!

He is our one true hope!

Love,

Elaine

To Justin and Meredith,

Almost 25 years ago to the day, I buried my own mother. She had battled cancer like your mom and lost. I was only sixteen. It was a very painful road filled with lots of sadness and wonderings of how different my life would have been had she been around. But your mom was right. God is our one true hope. I walked the painful road without Him and it was miserable. Then I invited God to help me with the pain and His goodness, His love, and His comfort has been overwhelming. My prayer for you both is that you will know in the depths of your heart the love and goodness of God.

- Karen Miller

Friend from preschool and Trinity Church