Meredith: Our conversation today about your mom

Meredith, today (5/7/09) you came over our house after preschool for our usual lunch and playdate with Abby. We had a brief conversation about your mom over lunch. Years from now (or perhaps even hours!), you'll most likely forget the details of our conversation, so I wanted to help you remember what your 3-year-old mind remembers of your mom.

Meredith: We're going to Toys R Us to buy a kite because we're going to visit my Mommy tomorrow.

Judy: Where is your Mommy?

Meredith: She's in heaven. It's far away. Far like where Grandma and Grandpa live. We have to fly to get there.

Abby: Is she coming back?

Meredith: No. [you said this with a normal voice, not sad]

Judy: Meredith, what do you remember about your Mommy?

Meredith: My Mommy read me Tikki Tikki Tembo.

Judy: What was your Mommy good at?

Meredith: Reading me books.

Meredith, I wish your Mommy could see you growing up. You are becoming such a good friend to Abby, sharing, working together, helping her unasked. You are so easy to have around. Your Mommy would be so proud of you.

Everlasting Gifts for My Kids

I thought of Elaine today.

3-year-old Abby was holding one of those "Read-Aloud Bible Stories" in her hands, asking me to read it to her. She let me know, "I love this book!" (it sounded more like "I LUUUB dis book!") I stopped and thought of Elaine.

It was Elaine who gave us the first Read-Aloud Bible Stories book we ever had. It was she who gave Abby the rest of the 3 in the set. She and I were the kind of friends that would simply ask each other up front, "What would you like me to get for [your child] for their birthday?" I had told her how much I liked the first Read-Aloud Bible Stories that she gave us, and that I'd eventually like to buy the rest of the books. She went and got us the other 3 books in the set.

Come to think of it, Elaine had lots of good recommendations for books and DVDs that helped our children grow in our Christian faith. I remember one year she gave Katy the Boz DVD Thank You God for Colors and Shapes. Admittedly, at first I thought to myself, "Oh c'mon, does a DVD about shapes and colors really need to be Christianized? Isn't that a bit over the top?" (I'm pretty sure I later told her about this, so I'm not saying anything she wouldn't have known.) But as I watched it, I grew in appreciation of it. It wasn't just coating everything with God, but rather it helped even ME see how God is present in and integrated into our everyday life, how I can appreciate the wonders of God even in the things I see in my everyday life.

I will think of Elaine thankfully whenever I read those books to my kids or see those DVDs. I am grateful for this everlasting legacy Elaine has left for my kids.

- Judy Tsao

Judy's Sharing from Elaine's Funeral

This is the text of what I shared at Elaine's funeral...

There are so many things I could say about Elaine. How thoughtful and considerate she was. What a super-conscientious mother she was. How she was so creative and artistic—so naturally good at crafts, music, gardening.... But the word that keeps coming to mind when I think about Elaine is “friend”. Today, I want to honor her as a dear friend.

I had the privilege of being one of Elaine’s friends for the past 6 years, and I do believe it was a privilege. Elaine was the kind of person to give 110% of herself to whatever was important to her -- being a mother... volunteering with her kids’ schools... her marriage... even cooking a meal... and yes, 110% to her friendships too, including friendship with me.

We live in a world and a time when people say that relationships are important to them, but their appointment schedules show otherwise. Elaine, on the other hand, truly put a priority on relationships. And she didn’t feel a need to be everyone’s friend or to please everyone, she was focused and intentional about her friendships. And I was lucky to be a recipient of that.

Elaine took initiative with me, to make sure we had a regular time together with our kids, for the sake of our kids’ friendships, but just as much if not more for our own friendship. I felt like we were a priority to her. She wasn’t too cool to say, “Hey, I miss you,” when we hadn’t seen each other in a bit.

Elaine was so thoughtful and considerate. She was the kind of person who enjoyed giving thoughtful gifts, whether for a special occasion or for no reason. And she did it with absolutely no expectation of receiving anything in return. If you were to give her something, she would genuinely act completely surprised that you would have thought to do that for her.

She was also so good about sending cards—for birthdays, for holidays, thank you cards. She spent time letting you know she was thinking about you. And that she was grateful for you. I have kept in my journal a couple of the cards she sent me because they meant so much to me.

Elaine was also open with me about her struggles. When dear friends moved away and it was hard on her. When life was challenging with family. When she first learned about the cancer and struggled with fears. We all know Elaine tried to be positive about things as much as she could, but she also allowed close friends to enter into her pain, fears, and disappointments. It was truly a privilege to share wholly in her life, not just the happy parts, but the real and challenging parts too.

I will truly miss my friend Elaine. She has been a special part of my life the past 6 years, and our friendship had been growing with each year. We shared so many milestones together—our second pregnancies and the birth of our 2 younger daughters just 3 days apart... the sending off of our firstborns to the same preschool... and sadly, learning about her cancer at the doctor’s office when it was first discovered.

Her passing leaves a hole in my life, in all our lives... an Elaine-shaped hole that only she could uniquely fill. I am only comforted knowing that she is not gone—she’s not actually even here in this room, but has moved on to the next phase of her life, a life without pain and suffering, a life of joy and love, basking in the presence of her loving God.

I love you Elaine. I will miss you. I am thankful to have been called your friend.

- Judy Tsao
Friend from Mom's Group, preschool, and beyond