Remembering Elaine

When I first met Elaine she was “great with child.” I thought she’d never last as a volunteer. But she and Patrick served faithfully as volunteers in the Tape/CD Ministry of Abundant Life Christian Fellowship. They took time off briefly during Justin’s birth and then returned to serving, sometimes with Justin in tow. It was no surprise when Elaine got pregnant again that she and Patrick continued serving. If nothing else, that is what I’ll remember most. Elaine was a servant of the Lord!

She served while pregnant. She served while parenting. She served after the birth of her second child, Meredith. What a lovely name. SMILE! Elaine even served until her illness forced her to make necessary changes. Her love and commitment to Christ left an indelible imprint upon those with whom she came into contact.

Of a truth, Elaine’s relationship with the Lord was the foundation of her life. She was faithful to God—for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, unto death. Now she is in the Presence of the One she loved and faithfully served…and has left all who knew her a beautiful example to follow.

Until we meet again,

Meredith Sheppard

Posting from Dolly

I first met Elaine when her son Justin and our daughter Sophia were entering the same 3 year old preschool class. Elaine was always very cheerful and it was clear that she loved Justin and that she loved being a mom. When we went to her house for a play date, I observed that she knew what Justin liked and she provided many fun and educational toys for him. She had a wonderful smile and friendly personality.

She was delighted with Meredith's birth. I was always impressed with how much tender care she expressed with both of her children.

Even after she was diagnosed with cancer, I was struck with how brave she was and how she took good care of her children.

The last time I saw Elaine, she had finished her cancer treatment and it looked like it was in remission. We lost touch as our children were in different schools and made different friends.

I was saddened to hear of her passing and of the incomparable loss her husband and her children have experienced. I pray that God would continue to comfort her family and may her children know how much their mother loved and cherished them.

Sincerely,

Dolly Lee

Remembering Elaine

I first met Elaine in our New moms' group more than six years ago.

I keep picturing her smile and her strength. I am remembering the different times we were together -- the regular play groups -- especially the ones at her house or mine and the moms' nights out.  The special events that she helped make even more special -- including the Christmas cookie/tea party she hosted and the baby shower she hosted for me and another fellow mom. The time she came to my daughter's  birthday party at Tilden Park in Berkeley.  I remember how much it meant to me that she, Patrick, Justin and Meredith came. They made a day of it. It was a beautiful Spring day and at the end of the party some kids including Justin played softball out on an open field of grass. Then the Wai's headed off to the steam train and a favorite restaurant in Berkeley. I was impressed that they were planning such a full day -- Meredith was only  two to three months old. Elaine knew how to jump into life, to be an active participant, to find joy -- and give joy to her children and others.

Elaine and I were also in Parent Observation together when Justin and my daughter Annabelle were two years old. She and I were aides. She was very involved and so full of energy! I am so glad that we had that time together as well.

She was so vibrant, so strong. So full of love and kindness and gratitude. This is how I remember her most. The incredible strength, kindness and determination. And above all, her endless love for her children.

I am grateful and honored to have known her.

Miriam Hartmann

Light of Hope

Dear Justin and Meredith,   This entry will be a bit long, but there are things you should know.  Over the course of time, you will probably read these stories about your mom online or perhaps in the book it will go into dozens if not hundreds of times.  You may read this as a youth, adolescent, teen, young adult, adult, mid-aged adult and senior.   Some day, you may read this to your own children or children's children.  You will undoubtedly read it and experience a range of emotions ranging from sadness, anger, bitterness, confusion, doubt to hope, laughter, amazement, joy, peace, and most of all LOVE.  My prayer, as I know is the prayer of your mom, is that you navigate through these many emotions and feelings and linger in the love she shared for so many family, friends, and her Lord Jesus.   I knew your mom and dad for over a dozen years although I can't claim to have known her well.  We went to two churches together, Vineyard Christian Fellowship of the Peninsula and Abundant Life Christian Fellowship.  My wife, Laura, knew her even longer and spent much more time with her though a mom's group they attended together.  But, there are some memories I wanted to share with you about your mom that happened during her last 6 months.   v      Your mom cared a lot about people, and people cared about her.  One day this past Fall I had the opportunity to join your dad and mom as they took her to UCSF for her cancer treatment.  Your mom was very sick and weak, lying in bed.  Yet when I came in to her bedroom where she was resting for the trip to the hospital she was so concerned about me, asking how things were going for our family, if I was hungry or wanted to sit.  Such a typical example of your mom, so giving all the time even when she was in need.  Even when we were at UCSF and she was getting her infusion treatment, she was concerned that I was standing so I finally had to find a seat.  J  There's a reason she was surrounded and supported by so many people during her battle with cancer.  She was loved by many.    v      Your dad fought so hard for her life.  HARD.  Rallied a team of friends, families, medical professionals.  Got friends to pray, investigate various clinical trial, medicines, foods, mobilized volunteers.  He missed you dearly as you spent much of your time with family or friends but know that he was giving just about everything he had for your mom.  He refused to give up, believing in faith and the power of healing despite the diminishing prospects.  He refused the concept of hospice because for him that would be giving up.  He never gave up on your mom.   v      Your dad cared so deeply about your mom.  I remember going to the hospital one night very late, in the last weeks of her life.  Your dad was there seemingly 24 hours a day, 7 days a week taking breaks only when trusted friends or family were there.  He spent many nights on a cot next to your mom's hospital bed.  It was indeed draining and sometime he broke into tears.  He worked very closely and carefully with the doctors and nurses making sure the right medicines were administered at the right time, monitoring her feeding or oxygen levels, making sure she was positioned right.  I remember one night your dad putting eye drops in your mom's eyes periodically to keep her eyes from drying as she wasn't able to close her eyes that well at the time.   That is the level of care he invested in your mom.   One Sunday morning I was at church, Abundant Life Christian Fellowship, when another friend of your parents, Joe Tan, told me that your mom passed away a few hours earlier.  I had two immediate reactions, sadness and relief in knowing she wasn't in pain any longer.  Later that afternoon, I returned to the church as we rehearsed our Easter musical, Light of Hope.  Your parents clung to the true light of hope, Jesus.  I thought of your mom often whenever we sang the finale song, No More Night.  I could easily see her singing these words as she entered Heaven as they were so appropriate.                    No More Night   Words & music by Walt Harrah The timeless theme, Earth and Heaven will pass away. It's not a dream, God will make all things new that day. Gone is the curse from which I stumbled and fell. Evil is banished to eternal hell. No more night. No more pain. No more tears. Never crying again. And praises to the great "I AM." We will live in the light of the risen Lamb. See all around, now the nations bow down to sing. The only sound is the praises to Christ, our King. Slowly the names from the book are read. I know the King, so there's no need to dread. No more night. No more pain. No more tears. Never crying again. And praises to the great "I AM." We will live in the light of the risen Lamb. See over there, there's a mansion, oh, that's prepared just for me, Where I will live with my savior eternally. No more night. No more pain. No more tears. Never crying again. And praises to the great "I AM." We will live in the light of the risen Lamb. All praises to the great "I AM." We're gonna live in the light of the risen Lamb.     May God bless and keep you,   Craig and Laura Chan

Beautiful Elaine

I was blessed that God allowed my path to cross with Elaine's at the Trinity Church's Mom's group. She was the leader of our small group for a time. She was really good at that! Great at encouraging and empathizing. She was there for each of us. She was always totally authentic. I remember Elaine's beautiful long hair. I remember her pretty raspy voice. At church, we recently taught the kids about the importance of inner beauty. Elaine was beautiful on the inside and out.

Elaine was great at connecting with people. I remember when she organized a gals night out with the women of our Trinity Mom's small group. We went to Charro's on Dana street off downtown Mt. View. We chatted the night away. She was a great conversationalist, and a wonderful listener. When we talked, I felt I was important to her. And I'll bet everyone with whom she had a heart to heart felt the exact same way.

Elaine was great at making you feel appreciated. Justin attended Highway's Vacation Bible School in 2008. I was a Station Leader at VBS, and had the pleasure of seeing Justin come through my station each day. Completely out of the blue, one day at VBS, Elaine brought me flowers! It was like the warmest hug ever. And I needed it. Who does stuff like that? Elaine, that's who.

Elaine and Patrick were a beautiful couple! Trinity would host opportunities for parents to drop off kids so the parents could connect on a date night. I remember seeing Elaine and Patrick for pick up (or was it drop off?) on one of those nights....they looked like movie stars.

Elaine loved the Lord. I was so encouraged by her tremendous Faith. In good times and bad. While Elaine didn't want to be defined by her illness, she wanted her experience to be a testimony. And it was, and continues to be.

Elaine was compassionate. A role model. Sweet and thoughtful. Desired the best for her family. I miss her so much, and am blessed beyond words to have had the honor of knowing her, and calling her "friend."

Julie Pederson

Anneke's sharing from the Memorial

Meredith & Justin-

The photos above show: your parents during the summer of 1995; Justin meeting my son Lukas in July 2003; and me & my family in 2009. I shared a wonderful and long history with your mom and here is what I shared on Saturday with everyone.

I (Anneke Hagen) met Elaine in February 1993. At that time I was working at Menlo Park Presbyterian Church as an intern in Junior High Ministry and had just, at the encouragement of others back in Seattle, begun attending a Bible Study Fellowship class in Los Altos. It was going out of my comfort zone to attend a meeting where I did not know anyone. However, I was placed in a small group with Elaine and I remember being drawn to her as a friend immediately. I love how God works to bring people together because just a few months later I had to switch to a different Bible Study due to my schedule and so the season for meeting Elaine was a limited window of opportunity that God used. I also want to note that 1993 was the first of my 12 years in Bible Study Fellowship and each year I went I thought, if I just meet one friend in the way I met Elaine then that will be my blessing. (Rigorous Bible study with the added bonus of lifelong friends!)

Elaine was working at Stanford University at the time and she attended a different church. To me her friendship was a breath of fresh air since I had moved to the Bay Area to work at a church and the only people I knew worked and/or attended there too. Elaine and I both had to go out of our way to make time and space for our friendship since our paths didn't cross naturally. I appreciated her initiative in calling me to go for walks or to share quality conversation over a cup of coffee. I was drawn to Elaine's love for God and her desire to live out her faith. Additionally, both of us shared a passion for using our creative talents. Who can forget Elaine's gorgeous handwriting and her immaculate scrap-books?! And being in our early-mid 20's we of course talked about our desire to be married someday. Endless discussions ensued.

Although I moved away from the Bay Area to attend graduate school, Elaine and I kept in touch. She was a faithful friend, no matter the distance. I remember coming back for a visit and being introduced to Patrick for the first time (see photo above). I could tell Elaine had found someone as passionate as she was for the cause of Christ and together they shared a true joy in living life to the full. It was easy to see that she and Patrick were soul mates, not only did they love Christ together but they also shared a love for travel & adventure and through it all…great food.

Soon I was married too and again living in the Bay Area. For 4 short years my life and Elaine's overlapped again and we shared meals, this time as a four-some. Usually Patrick led the way in a restaurant choice and fellowship was shared and enjoyed. Elaine and I also found time for just the two of us to catch up. Again, as from the beginning of our friendship neither our professional nor our church lives intersected but the desire to pursue this friendship was always there.

I've lived in Seattle now for 9 years and Elaine and I have been lucky if we had one visit per year. Our contact became less frequent but definitely not less meaningful. We both had our first children the same year and have shared parenting stories and strategies together, perhaps over email or more likely during one of our annual catch-up sessions.

In recent years Elaine shared her medical journey with me. This included her many questions, the way she felt like a science experiment, her future, and her faith-journey in the middle of it all. On some level we shared medical anxieties and the frustrations about our doctors who should know how to "fix" problems. While Elaine's journey was cancer, mine was infertility. Elaine was able to hear my pain and challenges while sharing her own with me. She never sugar-coated anything and never just blankly applied the "God has a plan" response either, which I appreciated. Elaine was true to herself in the middle of it, honest with her emotions and the reality of what had happened, but refusing to be defined by it. What a great model and inspiration for me.

Last April I had a chance to visit with Elaine. We enjoyed a walk in her neighborhood, grabbed a cup of Starbucks and caught up on where God had brought each of us. Since we both liked to plan, we both had been dealing for a few years with serious changes to our expectations of what the future would look like. Yet Elaine was in a great space and able to reflect meaningfully on the cancer, the treatment and her change in perspective as a result. I was encouraged by her words. I too was in a better space than during the previous years as my husband and I had begun to pursue adoption. Elaine and I spoke of the changes, the letting go of our plans, and the positive hope for the future we each held.

If at that moment someone had told me it would be my last visit with Elaine I would have called them a liar and just made a plan to see her in 2009. Today's visit wasn't what I had in mind.

There are many people that have crossed my path as part of a larger group, but I will always remember Elaine as an individual friend, a friend who was always worth going out of the way for and who would do the same for me. It's the very reason our friendship took shape and survived.

The words that characterize Elaine are many, but my favorite traits are that she was:

Loving, strong, creative, loyal, dedicated, Christ-lover, truth seeker, passionate, driven, concerned, prayerful and joy-filled.

And that is how I will remember my friend Elaine.

-Anneke Hagen

I thank God for Elaine

I met Elaine in 2005. Our sons were in the same preschool class and were both having trouble adjusting to preschool. We quickly set up a play date. It was fun to get to know Elaine. I loved her energy, her thoughtful and intentional approach to parenting, her creativity and her willingness to share her struggles as a mom.

Only a few months later Elaine joined a moms group at our church. One month later, she learned that she had breast cancer. Meredith was only four months old. And while she had only been in the group a short time – God put it on our hearts to care for Elaine at that time and over the next three years. No one told us we’d be walking down such a painful road, but I think each of us has felt privileged to do so… a testimony to both God’s love for Elaine and our love for Elaine. We absolutely treasured her!

There were many things I appreciated about Elaine, I’ll just share a few

Elaine was genuine… there was no pretense about her… you knew what she was thinking. We shared struggles as moms together, we talked and prayed as she faced the fear of not being able to raise her children, and we candidly talked about ministry.

Elaine had high standards and did everything wholeheartedly. Elaine became a table leader and a teaching leader for our moms group at Trinity Church and she put her whole heart into that. She arranged special events for the group. She got them emailing prayer requests throughout the week. She stayed up until 2:00 a.m. creating gifts for the women. She spent hours and hours preparing to teach. She was a woman of excellence. And in so doing, she made me a better leader. There’s a Bible verse that says, as iron sharpens irons so one sharpens another. Elaine did that for me.

Elaine was a committed friend. We had disagreements about how to do ministry… some of them were hard to work through, but she would call and email and work it out until the issue was resolved. As it turned out, our sons had a hard time together. Our play dates weren’t peaceful, but somehow we creatively found ways to work it out and get together.

Elaine was an encourager and fought for women’s hearts. She would send cards and flowers just to encourage me. Just prior to her final battle with cancer I was struggling in ministry. She sent me some very encouraging emails that kept me moving forward.

Elaine loved the Lord and served Him faithfully. The last time Elaine spoke at our moms group she taught on a passage in 2 Corinthians 5. That passage talks about how while we are living on earth we groan and are burdened…many of us walked side by side with Elaine over those last five months. She groaned in pain and was burdened emotionally by fears of the future for her family. But that passage goes on to say that it is better to be at home with Lord. I praise God that she is at home with the Lord.

Elaine’s last email to me said this… She sent it after she discovered the cancer had spread to her nervous system.

Thank you Karen-

Note that God has been meeting daily needs in very amazing, only God-can do ways. We are blessed for such a loving family and know that this is indeed one of His Miracles - how He brings people together during tough times!

He is our one true hope!

Love,

Elaine

To Justin and Meredith,

Almost 25 years ago to the day, I buried my own mother. She had battled cancer like your mom and lost. I was only sixteen. It was a very painful road filled with lots of sadness and wonderings of how different my life would have been had she been around. But your mom was right. God is our one true hope. I walked the painful road without Him and it was miserable. Then I invited God to help me with the pain and His goodness, His love, and His comfort has been overwhelming. My prayer for you both is that you will know in the depths of your heart the love and goodness of God.

- Karen Miller

Friend from preschool and Trinity Church

Meredith: Our conversation today about your mom

Meredith, today (5/7/09) you came over our house after preschool for our usual lunch and playdate with Abby. We had a brief conversation about your mom over lunch. Years from now (or perhaps even hours!), you'll most likely forget the details of our conversation, so I wanted to help you remember what your 3-year-old mind remembers of your mom.

Meredith: We're going to Toys R Us to buy a kite because we're going to visit my Mommy tomorrow.

Judy: Where is your Mommy?

Meredith: She's in heaven. It's far away. Far like where Grandma and Grandpa live. We have to fly to get there.

Abby: Is she coming back?

Meredith: No. [you said this with a normal voice, not sad]

Judy: Meredith, what do you remember about your Mommy?

Meredith: My Mommy read me Tikki Tikki Tembo.

Judy: What was your Mommy good at?

Meredith: Reading me books.

Meredith, I wish your Mommy could see you growing up. You are becoming such a good friend to Abby, sharing, working together, helping her unasked. You are so easy to have around. Your Mommy would be so proud of you.

Everlasting Gifts for My Kids

I thought of Elaine today.

3-year-old Abby was holding one of those "Read-Aloud Bible Stories" in her hands, asking me to read it to her. She let me know, "I love this book!" (it sounded more like "I LUUUB dis book!") I stopped and thought of Elaine.

It was Elaine who gave us the first Read-Aloud Bible Stories book we ever had. It was she who gave Abby the rest of the 3 in the set. She and I were the kind of friends that would simply ask each other up front, "What would you like me to get for [your child] for their birthday?" I had told her how much I liked the first Read-Aloud Bible Stories that she gave us, and that I'd eventually like to buy the rest of the books. She went and got us the other 3 books in the set.

Come to think of it, Elaine had lots of good recommendations for books and DVDs that helped our children grow in our Christian faith. I remember one year she gave Katy the Boz DVD Thank You God for Colors and Shapes. Admittedly, at first I thought to myself, "Oh c'mon, does a DVD about shapes and colors really need to be Christianized? Isn't that a bit over the top?" (I'm pretty sure I later told her about this, so I'm not saying anything she wouldn't have known.) But as I watched it, I grew in appreciation of it. It wasn't just coating everything with God, but rather it helped even ME see how God is present in and integrated into our everyday life, how I can appreciate the wonders of God even in the things I see in my everyday life.

I will think of Elaine thankfully whenever I read those books to my kids or see those DVDs. I am grateful for this everlasting legacy Elaine has left for my kids.

- Judy Tsao

Judy's Sharing from Elaine's Funeral

This is the text of what I shared at Elaine's funeral...

There are so many things I could say about Elaine. How thoughtful and considerate she was. What a super-conscientious mother she was. How she was so creative and artistic—so naturally good at crafts, music, gardening.... But the word that keeps coming to mind when I think about Elaine is “friend”. Today, I want to honor her as a dear friend.

I had the privilege of being one of Elaine’s friends for the past 6 years, and I do believe it was a privilege. Elaine was the kind of person to give 110% of herself to whatever was important to her -- being a mother... volunteering with her kids’ schools... her marriage... even cooking a meal... and yes, 110% to her friendships too, including friendship with me.

We live in a world and a time when people say that relationships are important to them, but their appointment schedules show otherwise. Elaine, on the other hand, truly put a priority on relationships. And she didn’t feel a need to be everyone’s friend or to please everyone, she was focused and intentional about her friendships. And I was lucky to be a recipient of that.

Elaine took initiative with me, to make sure we had a regular time together with our kids, for the sake of our kids’ friendships, but just as much if not more for our own friendship. I felt like we were a priority to her. She wasn’t too cool to say, “Hey, I miss you,” when we hadn’t seen each other in a bit.

Elaine was so thoughtful and considerate. She was the kind of person who enjoyed giving thoughtful gifts, whether for a special occasion or for no reason. And she did it with absolutely no expectation of receiving anything in return. If you were to give her something, she would genuinely act completely surprised that you would have thought to do that for her.

She was also so good about sending cards—for birthdays, for holidays, thank you cards. She spent time letting you know she was thinking about you. And that she was grateful for you. I have kept in my journal a couple of the cards she sent me because they meant so much to me.

Elaine was also open with me about her struggles. When dear friends moved away and it was hard on her. When life was challenging with family. When she first learned about the cancer and struggled with fears. We all know Elaine tried to be positive about things as much as she could, but she also allowed close friends to enter into her pain, fears, and disappointments. It was truly a privilege to share wholly in her life, not just the happy parts, but the real and challenging parts too.

I will truly miss my friend Elaine. She has been a special part of my life the past 6 years, and our friendship had been growing with each year. We shared so many milestones together—our second pregnancies and the birth of our 2 younger daughters just 3 days apart... the sending off of our firstborns to the same preschool... and sadly, learning about her cancer at the doctor’s office when it was first discovered.

Her passing leaves a hole in my life, in all our lives... an Elaine-shaped hole that only she could uniquely fill. I am only comforted knowing that she is not gone—she’s not actually even here in this room, but has moved on to the next phase of her life, a life without pain and suffering, a life of joy and love, basking in the presence of her loving God.

I love you Elaine. I will miss you. I am thankful to have been called your friend.

- Judy Tsao
Friend from Mom's Group, preschool, and beyond

Elaine Loved Us Anyway! (notes from Monday, March 23, 2008)

Justin and Meredith –

Below are my notes from speaking at your Mother’s funeral on Monday, March 23, 2008.  Just this morning I was thinking about what an honor it was to speak at such an important event, but more importantly, what an honor it was to be your Mom’s friend.  The attached photo was from George’s birthday party at  Lemo’s farm in Half Moon Bay.  As you can see, Meredith was just a baby!  I’m also including a photo that includes Justin, who was helping to blow out the candles at this same event! Our family looks forward to celebrating many birthdays and fun times with you!  

Love you,

Karen Franks

 

Elaine "loved us anyway."

I’ve struggled with what I would say today during this time – and I’ve rewritten it many times. So, I decided to draw from my heart.  I wish I could memorize this whole thing, but I can’t, so I’ll have to read it.

 

Elaine was a Wife, a Mother, a Daughter, a Sister, an Aunt…. To me, she was my Friend. I’ve never experienced a friendship kind of love that grew in such a unique way as I did with Elaine. 

 

Elaine and I met at a home group Bible study, which doesn’t seem that unique or uncommon, but it’s over email, of all places, that we connected on a very personal level.

 

I used to travel for my job, and I would often find myself bored in a hotel room across the country.  One night I got an email from Elaine with her prayer request to the women of the home group – I didn’t really know her at that point.  Something touched my heart from that email, and I responded back to her letting her know that I was really in the same place that she was on many levels: blessings, troubles, life in general…. I asked if we could connect when I returned from my trip.  She responded in such openness and kindness… I felt an immediate bond with her. We emailed back and forth the entire week. Although I hardly knew her, I poured out my heart to her and showed my real self (“real Karen” instead of “church Karen”). And, she loved me anyway.

 

Time passed. Our home group ended.  I worked all the time. But we were an unlikely friendship that continued.  You see, when you meet someone like Elaine, you can’t stop being friends when it’s no longer convenient. Sometimes I would schedule my Thursday’s so that I could meet Elaine for an hour before I went to work…or sometimes we would go eat “Indian Buffet” really fast – that way I could make it back to work before anyone knew I was gone…and Elaine could get to Target before the kids got out of school.  We squeezed in an hour here and an hour there…wherever we could.  I’m sad to say that sometimes we would go weeks and one time, even months, without talking.  But, we loved each other anyway.

 

Yesterday, the pastor at church said “if something is valuable in your life, it shows in the effort you put in it.” That was Elaine! She took friendship seriously. I was in her bedroom last night, and I read a note that I wrote her a few weeks ago… I had forgotten that note…but it’s true none the less.  It said  “her beauty amazes me and her strength encourages me.”  She was an amazing gift to all of us. And, “she loved us anyway….no matter where she met us, how often she saw us, who we were, who we weren’t.” She was “real.” That’s what I loved about Elaine.

 

When you lose a dear friend entirely too soon, it’s hard to make sense of it. Through this process, I’ve questioned God, doubted my faith, and been mad, sad, and stressed out.  I’ve regained my faith, but it was my 8 year old son, Jack, who probably provided the best inspiration to me…..

 

Every night we say our prayers together, and he had been praying for months for “Miss Elaine to be healed.”  The day she passed away, I wondered what Jack would say during our prayers that night.  I worried about it all day, and I was concerned that he would think God didn’t answer prayers. The night came…and then the prayer came.  When it got to the point where he usually prays for “Miss Elaine,” I got nervous….and wondered what he would say. But, without skipping a beat, he said “and thank you God for healing Miss Elaine.”  You see, in his mind….she was perfectly healed...living in Heaven…waiting on us to get there, too.

 

My prayer is that when we struggle with Elaine’s passing that we would see things through the eyes of a child….instead of the blurry lens we often apply.  It’s hard. I know.

 

I also pray that God will seal the memories that we have of Elaine on our hearts and that we would learn to “love each other anyway”…just like Elaine loved each of us.

 

Reflections on the Sunflower

We had come to know your mom at the Vineyard when she started dating your dad. Last time I saw your mom was over 4 years ago. Our family had moved away from the Bay Area and had come back for a short visit with my parents and friends. We'd come "home" and sometimes have a get together with friends at a park so that we didn't spend out whole vacation making appointments with friends. I remember how honored I was that she had come out to visit us with Justin. It had already been 9 years since we'd left California so we'd lost touch with many friends over the years, but somehow we just got connected with the Wai's and she stopped by. Here's a photo of her, Justin and I on a beautiful California day at the park.
 
From the blog, I learned that sunflowers were your mom’s favorite flowers. We have this sunflower field near our home in Ohio. We love going to it every year and taking pictures with the kids or just of the beautiful arrangement of row after row of blooming yellow blossoms.

REFLECTIONS ON THE SUNFLOWER

They are Short Lived: For a brief 3 weeks in August they display their fabulous color. That's when we all traipse through the field to find the perfect spot for that photo. Anyways, they are gone far too soon from our lives even as they give us incredible beauty and joy while they last. That will be my memory of your mom as she has left our Earthly home way sooner than we would have liked.

They Grow Towards the Sun: When you plant sunflowers near the side of the house or deck and they are in the shade, they will actually lean towards the sunlight so they can get their nourishment from the sun. Your mom grew towards a different Son. She followed Jesus where he was.

They Produce Seed: Each sunflower can produce thousands of tiny seed, which is actually their fruit. When you eat one, the plant that produced that seed is probably long gone however their fruit lasts. Your mom, who modeled the Fruit of the Spirit in her life blessed many people and she will live on.

When They are Gone: UNLIKE the sunflower field that just withers away, your mom lives forever in Heaven and you’ll see her again!


Esther Lee

Elaine's Memorial Blog

We are the 9th uncle and auntie of Patrick living in Hong Kong. Since Patrick got married, we received Patrick's family photos nearly every year. We saw Elaine only in the pictures. We were told that she was a happy, beautiful and extremely energetic lady, full of wisdom and vitality. She exemplified undaunted courage in fighting against the life threatening illness and at the same time uttering devotion to her family and friends.   Last year, in March, exactly a year before Elaine left us, we visited Patrick's family in Sunnyvale. We met the woman of Patrick's dreams and their two lovely kids, Justin and Meredith. Elaine looked charming, cheerful and healthy. Her smiling face full of sincerity and care. We had great time together. We could not believe that this was the first and also the last time we met.   We will surely  miss Elaine.   Uncle Stephen and Auntie Kittie

Haiku for Justin and Meredith

Dear Justin and Meredith,

We only recently learned that your mother's favorite flower was the sunflower, even though we have known your parents for nearly 10 years.  It did not come as a surprise to me, though, as I thought from the first moment I met your mother -- before Justin was even born -- that she reminded me of a sunflower!  She was so tall and slender and graceful, with a smile so bright she would light up a room.

Like a sunflower
Radiant, uplifted smile
She loves him, truly

Someday, your father can show you the wedding picture that inspired this poem.  We have been privileged to witness the strong, supportive bond between your parents.  You are so blessed to have such wonderful parents, and we know that together as a family you and your father will continue to find comfort and strength in your shared memories, and joy in keeping your mother's glowing spirit alive.  She loved her time with you, her time on this earth -- and she enjoyed life to the fullest.  She would want you to do the same.  By remembering her unconditional love and dedication, and following the path that she has helped lay down for you till now, you will not only honor her, but also feel her by your side, smiling with pride and happiness, every step of the way.

With love,

Sherri and Daniel Niclas

More Special Moments

Photos:
1) First Halloween Sit-N-Play at Kari's house just before Justin and friends turned 1
2) MAC (Moms' Activity Co-op), marching band down the street outside Lynette's house
3) Nov. 2004 - decorating cookies at Kari's house

Special Moments

Photos:

1) Playdate at your house

2) At The Jungle

3) Playdate at the park (DeAnza?), Elaine holding Meredith

Memories of Your Mom

Dear Justin and Meredith, I first met your mom a little over six years ago when we were in the same El Camino Mom's Group with our first born, you Justin, and Gavin. It seemed like most of the moms had baby girls and there were only a few of us that had baby boys. I'll always remember our weekly play dates. One week it would be at your house and the next ours. The play dates also included dinner and I always loved when it was at your house because your mom always whipped up effortlessly some fabulous dinner. When it was at our house she was always so sweet to tell me that the pizza was wonderful or the chicken was delicious. It was always either pizza or chicken at our house and your mom still always managed to make it seem like what a wonderful meal that you were having at our house. I loved these weekly play dates because our boys got to play together, our daughters got to play together and we were able to talk about our hopes, dreams and concerns about how to be good moms. She always had wonderful advice and I was always getting notes and information from your mom on parenting. She was always teaching me something new about parenting. She just loved being your mom more then anything else in the world!!! When I think of your mom I think first and for most how much she loved her family, Justin, Meredith and of course your Dad. She loved you Justin and Meredith so very much there are no words I can think of that can explain how much she loved you kids. While I have been going back through photos I remember how she always looked at the two of you. She loved having her son and was just as thrilled when she had her daughter. What Elaine taught me was to put more traditions into our lives for our kids. She was always decorating your house for each holiday and season for you two. I will forever miss your Mom, my dear friend, but I know she is watching over us and especially you two and your Dad. Love, Kari (Gavin and Ailish's Mom) Photos: 1 and 2) Photos from Moms' Activity Co-Op at your house 3) April 18, 20003 - One of our Sit-B-Plays at your house

Elaine

It is so hard to say good-bye. Looking over old pictures and thinking about Elaine with friends is bringing back so many memories. They bring a smile while also reminding me of the sadness of our loss. I am grateful for Elaine's friendship and the time we had together.

As did most of our moms' group, I met Elaine 6 years ago when I attended a new mom's class with her at El Camino Hospital. I started getting to know her when she volunteered to host our group's first group playdate at her home. That was so like Elaine, wanting to promote friendships and opening her home. That first playdate led to a series of playdates. These playdates were supposed to be "sit-and-plays" where half of the moms left their kids and went out and did errands/had fun, while the other half of the moms watched the kids. But, we all enjoyed each other so much that no one ever left - we all "sat." I have attached a picture of Elaine with Justin and my daughter Jessica (born two days apart) from one play date five years ago (May 2004).

Thinking about Elaine and our early playdates, I can't help but think about her home. Elaine was very particular about keeping her house neat and beautiful. It was always decorated for the season or a holiday - Easter, spring, 4th of July, summer... While amazingly clean and organized, her home was always welcoming, as was Elaine - gracious and welcoming.

At one point, Elaine and I would take weekly walk/jogs together with Justin and Jessica (who were born just two days apart) sitting in their strollers. We usually talked about the children and ourselves as mothers. We used this time to bounce parenting ideas off of each other (It seemed that Elaine was almost always reading a parenting book). Of course, we'd also take time to talk about ourselves too - hopes/dreams. Should we go back to work? If so, what should we do? What's the best way to fit in times for exercise? If we could remodel our homes, how would we do it? Occasionally, even a movie recommendation would fit in to the conversation. I wish I could remember the name of a love story that she really loved - I know she ended up owning a copy. As our friend Judy said so simply and perfectly at Elaine's service, "She was my friend."

One year, my husband and I were struggling with ideas on how to celebrate Amy's birthday. We had decided to go to a Pumpkin Patch as a family, thinking this would be perfect since it had ponies and Amy loved ponies.. Elaine and I were on email the night before and she warned me that the place would be too crowded. Although Elaine was completely busy with something else and it was fairly late at night, she found a book on places to go with kids in N. CA and found a different park that had ponies, a train, petting zoo, and a bounce house that we could take Amy to. Thanks to her, Amy had a perfect birthday that year. I have attached a picture of Elaine and Meredith with Amy and me celebrating Amy's first birthday, the year before (October, 2006).

I had forgotten until going through pictures... Our mom's group had a big yard sale to raise money for victims of the Indonesian Tsunami. Elaine of course would not have missed helping with that (for all I can recollect, she may have helped organize it). I found a couple pictures of her with Jen and Kari from that day (March 12, 2005). Elaine believed in giving to the community. Her participation in this was just one of many examples. In retrospect, our little trip out after the yard sale to gather signs was kind of funny. Elaine drove and I jumped out of the car to rip down signs. We stopped and pulled down a sign near an old farm ("The Pumpkin Patch" on Grant Road). I brought the sign over to the car and was about to put it in when I noted a GIANT black widow on the back of it, complete with the lovely red mark on its belly. It created a good deal of excitement and lots of nervous laughter as we drove the rest of the way, carefully inspecting each sign before putting it in the car.

Elaine liked to do things right. That included the details of mothering. I remember thinking she was amazing, and maybe crazy :), for deciding to make one of Justin's first (or maybe THE first) Halloween costume. Yes - by hand! How many people do that these days?! A little train engineer costume, I believe it was.

It was very important to Elaine to be a good friend. She would call or sometimes send a special little note (I couldn't believe it one year- I got a beautifully handwritten Valentines Day note from her!). She didn't forget a birthday or a special event.

Elaine loved food, definitely what I would call a "food-y." She always had restaurant recommendations - I hope I have them written down somewhere. I know during times when lives got so busy it was hard to find any personal time, she and Patrick would try to set aside a date night to go out and enjoy a favorite restaurant. Family and her marriage were so important to her, she really valued these date nights. After my second daughter was born, she didn't just bring me a meal, she brought a restaurant quality fresh meal that she must have spent hours preparing.

And her tomatoes... For some reason, maybe because spring is coming, I can't stop remembering Elaine and her tomato plants. She loved planting her beautiful garden and she had so many wonderful plants. She would of course share tomatoes with us. Right now, for me, her vibrance and generosity and ability to find time for extra projects... all that is tied in mind with her tomato plants.

We will miss her.

Love, Lynette

Moments before you came along...

Dear Justin & Meredith,

I first met your parents about 7 years ago, when they were in love, always hand in hand, beaming with joy, and expecting their first baby! They started attending Abundant Life Christian Fellowship, and joined our home group in Los Altos. They were so excited about becoming parents, and had a list of names they were deciding on..."Dominic" was one. When you were born, Justin, your Mom had a hard time deciding to go back to work. She became a Discovery Toys consultant instead, so that she could be home with you. I attended her first Discovery Toys party at your house...

I also remember the day I found out about you, Meredith. It was right after a baby shower your Mom and I threw for Auntie Cher at Lisa's Tea Treasures in Santana Rowe. The day before, we potted many star jasmine party favors on your dining room table together, and your Mom said nothing. After the shower, I bumped into your Mom coming out of the maternity boutique, Japanese Weekend. That look on her face said it all. We giddily scurried across the street together and relished the good news over some slushy drinks from Fantasia...

Mary Tan

Dear Justin and Meredith

I didn’t know your Mom very well.  I don’t know what her favorite food was, or where she went to school.  I don’t know how she met your Dad or where she was born. 

 

But I do know that she had the most amazing smile of anyone I’ve known and the most welcoming and sincere “Hi, how are you?” whenever she saw me walking down the street with Fargo (my big fluffy white dog!)   I always had to cross the road to talk to her if I saw her, probably because something told me I’d feel so much better after a chat with Elaine.  She did that to you, just lifted your spirits and always wanted to talk about me and my kids, never about herself.  And that beaming smile stayed with me after I walked back home.  It still does.

 

Tricia

Valley Forge Neighbor

 

Elaine, Cherry Chase mom

I first met Elaine last May. Judy had introduced us as moms who had boys starting kindergarten at Cherry Chase in the fall. Elaine enthusiastically invited us over. Enthusiastic is a word that comes to mind when I think of Elaine. Enthusiastic and exuberant, vibrant, funny, considerate, talented, and smart.

We had playdates, we talked about our worries and thoughts about having our oldest child going to kindergarten. The day before school started we found out our kids were in the same class. Amazing! With seven kindergarten classes, what were the chances of that? We were excited.

A story: Even though Elaine was going through cancer treatment, she readily volunteered in the classroom every chance she got. She was there at the Halloween party, and the teacher asked her to read a book to the class. When Elaine finished reading, Justin leapt to his feet to give her a standing ovation, and said "Everyone clap for my mom!!" I thought it was very sweet.

I admired her energy and strength. I admired her talent - in gardening, in cooking, in music. I admired the way she approached things, jumping in with two feet and with her whole heart. I admired how she volunteered so much and was so considerate.

I am grateful to God for the privilege of meeting and spending time with Elaine. The example of how she lived her life inspires me to want to be a better friend and a more enthusiastic volunteer, to be able to jump in with two feet and my whole heart.

Alice Yu

Mom of one of Justin's classmates

Elaine serves others

Through Elaine's hospital stays, many different friends were able to come out and help. It was pretty unique because you never really knew who was going to be there when you arrived. It was through these hospital visits that I met many different friends of both Elaine and Patrick. What a beautiful set of friends they have. It is a testament to the kind of people they attract. There are so many deep friendships! I also had the honor and privilege of meeting her family through times at the house and the hospital. It was special to get to know many of them.

 

Even in the hospital in these last few months, Elaine wanted to serve others. One of her friends, Karen Franks (whom I had never met), was tending to her when I arrived. For the next few hours, through pointing and writing and trying to mimic, Elaine was expressing to us that she thought Karen and I should become friends, and that Karen should come try out Trinity church. She was insistent about this. She was very convincing because Karen did  come try out the church :). She is a wonderful lady!

 

Another time, Elaine was really struggling to communicate, and we weren't sure she knew what was really happening around her. She proved us wrong.  Patrick,  Stephanie Ramirez, and I were in the room, and she was very emphatic that she write something down. Though at this point it was hard for her to do it, she managed to write a few sentences fairly clearly. First, she wanted Patrick to take her home for dinner, and second, that we could come to her place for the meal. We were all so happy and laughed. Often we would see her sense of humor coming through during these visits. (I believe Patrick posted that entry of her writing on the blog). Again, Elaine was thinking of others.

 

God tells us to love the Lord with all of your heart, soul and mind, and love your neighbor as yourself.  Elaine worked out these verses in her life day after day in so many ways.  -Julie Bruechert

 

 

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