Elaine Loved Us Anyway! (notes from Monday, March 23, 2008)

Justin and Meredith –

Below are my notes from speaking at your Mother’s funeral on Monday, March 23, 2008.  Just this morning I was thinking about what an honor it was to speak at such an important event, but more importantly, what an honor it was to be your Mom’s friend.  The attached photo was from George’s birthday party at  Lemo’s farm in Half Moon Bay.  As you can see, Meredith was just a baby!  I’m also including a photo that includes Justin, who was helping to blow out the candles at this same event! Our family looks forward to celebrating many birthdays and fun times with you!  

Love you,

Karen Franks

 

Elaine "loved us anyway."

I’ve struggled with what I would say today during this time – and I’ve rewritten it many times. So, I decided to draw from my heart.  I wish I could memorize this whole thing, but I can’t, so I’ll have to read it.

 

Elaine was a Wife, a Mother, a Daughter, a Sister, an Aunt…. To me, she was my Friend. I’ve never experienced a friendship kind of love that grew in such a unique way as I did with Elaine. 

 

Elaine and I met at a home group Bible study, which doesn’t seem that unique or uncommon, but it’s over email, of all places, that we connected on a very personal level.

 

I used to travel for my job, and I would often find myself bored in a hotel room across the country.  One night I got an email from Elaine with her prayer request to the women of the home group – I didn’t really know her at that point.  Something touched my heart from that email, and I responded back to her letting her know that I was really in the same place that she was on many levels: blessings, troubles, life in general…. I asked if we could connect when I returned from my trip.  She responded in such openness and kindness… I felt an immediate bond with her. We emailed back and forth the entire week. Although I hardly knew her, I poured out my heart to her and showed my real self (“real Karen” instead of “church Karen”). And, she loved me anyway.

 

Time passed. Our home group ended.  I worked all the time. But we were an unlikely friendship that continued.  You see, when you meet someone like Elaine, you can’t stop being friends when it’s no longer convenient. Sometimes I would schedule my Thursday’s so that I could meet Elaine for an hour before I went to work…or sometimes we would go eat “Indian Buffet” really fast – that way I could make it back to work before anyone knew I was gone…and Elaine could get to Target before the kids got out of school.  We squeezed in an hour here and an hour there…wherever we could.  I’m sad to say that sometimes we would go weeks and one time, even months, without talking.  But, we loved each other anyway.

 

Yesterday, the pastor at church said “if something is valuable in your life, it shows in the effort you put in it.” That was Elaine! She took friendship seriously. I was in her bedroom last night, and I read a note that I wrote her a few weeks ago… I had forgotten that note…but it’s true none the less.  It said  “her beauty amazes me and her strength encourages me.”  She was an amazing gift to all of us. And, “she loved us anyway….no matter where she met us, how often she saw us, who we were, who we weren’t.” She was “real.” That’s what I loved about Elaine.

 

When you lose a dear friend entirely too soon, it’s hard to make sense of it. Through this process, I’ve questioned God, doubted my faith, and been mad, sad, and stressed out.  I’ve regained my faith, but it was my 8 year old son, Jack, who probably provided the best inspiration to me…..

 

Every night we say our prayers together, and he had been praying for months for “Miss Elaine to be healed.”  The day she passed away, I wondered what Jack would say during our prayers that night.  I worried about it all day, and I was concerned that he would think God didn’t answer prayers. The night came…and then the prayer came.  When it got to the point where he usually prays for “Miss Elaine,” I got nervous….and wondered what he would say. But, without skipping a beat, he said “and thank you God for healing Miss Elaine.”  You see, in his mind….she was perfectly healed...living in Heaven…waiting on us to get there, too.

 

My prayer is that when we struggle with Elaine’s passing that we would see things through the eyes of a child….instead of the blurry lens we often apply.  It’s hard. I know.

 

I also pray that God will seal the memories that we have of Elaine on our hearts and that we would learn to “love each other anyway”…just like Elaine loved each of us.