Judy's Sharing from Elaine's Funeral

This is the text of what I shared at Elaine's funeral...

There are so many things I could say about Elaine. How thoughtful and considerate she was. What a super-conscientious mother she was. How she was so creative and artistic—so naturally good at crafts, music, gardening.... But the word that keeps coming to mind when I think about Elaine is “friend”. Today, I want to honor her as a dear friend.

I had the privilege of being one of Elaine’s friends for the past 6 years, and I do believe it was a privilege. Elaine was the kind of person to give 110% of herself to whatever was important to her -- being a mother... volunteering with her kids’ schools... her marriage... even cooking a meal... and yes, 110% to her friendships too, including friendship with me.

We live in a world and a time when people say that relationships are important to them, but their appointment schedules show otherwise. Elaine, on the other hand, truly put a priority on relationships. And she didn’t feel a need to be everyone’s friend or to please everyone, she was focused and intentional about her friendships. And I was lucky to be a recipient of that.

Elaine took initiative with me, to make sure we had a regular time together with our kids, for the sake of our kids’ friendships, but just as much if not more for our own friendship. I felt like we were a priority to her. She wasn’t too cool to say, “Hey, I miss you,” when we hadn’t seen each other in a bit.

Elaine was so thoughtful and considerate. She was the kind of person who enjoyed giving thoughtful gifts, whether for a special occasion or for no reason. And she did it with absolutely no expectation of receiving anything in return. If you were to give her something, she would genuinely act completely surprised that you would have thought to do that for her.

She was also so good about sending cards—for birthdays, for holidays, thank you cards. She spent time letting you know she was thinking about you. And that she was grateful for you. I have kept in my journal a couple of the cards she sent me because they meant so much to me.

Elaine was also open with me about her struggles. When dear friends moved away and it was hard on her. When life was challenging with family. When she first learned about the cancer and struggled with fears. We all know Elaine tried to be positive about things as much as she could, but she also allowed close friends to enter into her pain, fears, and disappointments. It was truly a privilege to share wholly in her life, not just the happy parts, but the real and challenging parts too.

I will truly miss my friend Elaine. She has been a special part of my life the past 6 years, and our friendship had been growing with each year. We shared so many milestones together—our second pregnancies and the birth of our 2 younger daughters just 3 days apart... the sending off of our firstborns to the same preschool... and sadly, learning about her cancer at the doctor’s office when it was first discovered.

Her passing leaves a hole in my life, in all our lives... an Elaine-shaped hole that only she could uniquely fill. I am only comforted knowing that she is not gone—she’s not actually even here in this room, but has moved on to the next phase of her life, a life without pain and suffering, a life of joy and love, basking in the presence of her loving God.

I love you Elaine. I will miss you. I am thankful to have been called your friend.

- Judy Tsao
Friend from Mom's Group, preschool, and beyond